Said I Love You but Didnt Say It Back Reddit

Told my bf I love him. He didn't say it back. Feeling really down. Advice?

He says he doesn't 100% feel it yet and would rather wait to say it than say it for the sake of saying it. Which yeah, I totally get. I just feel really embarrassed and down. He said something the other day that really made me think it would be fine to tell him how I feel. I guess not.

EDIT: Wow, I did not expect so many responses! I really, truly appreciate every single story and piece of advice you all have given me. I teared up reading most of these! Thank you, thank you, thank you SO much!

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level 1

It was fine to tell him. He didn't reject you, he accepted it and reflects on the precious gift of you telling him your feelings. You did good, girl. Don't try to rush him, show him with actions and investment in the meantime. He'll either come around (best case) or (worst case) it will end for a different reason of incompatibility.

level 2

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. You're right.

level 2

I totally agree! This was opposite for my boyfriend and me. He told me that he loved me fairly early in our relationship and it shocked me. He asked if that was okay and I told him of course it was but that I didn't know if I could say that to him yet. (We met not long after my first real relationship). But I soon said it back to him and we've been together for almost 2.5 years now :) Just give it some time, girly

level 1

You could test out other sweet words for how y'all could express your feelings toward each other. My boyfriend won't say he loves me yet because for him "love" means absolute commitment and devotion, and by that definition we haven't been dating long enough to even think about it. A month after I told him I loved him and he hadn't said it back we had this long talk where he said we feel the same way about each other, it's just a definition thing, but he didn't want to "cheapen" his idea of it by broadening the word. So I asked "Would you say you cherish me?" He said "I cherish you." Now that's what we say to each other. It's really sweet, it keeps me from feeling rejected or impatient, and it's actually not bad reserving the best words for an even more intimate phase now that we have an interim plan. I hope this helps :)

level 2

This same situation happened with my SO and I. I still told him I loved him afterwards (though obviously not often as to not have him feel rushed) but we started using "you're my favorite" as a way to express our feelings. A little silly, but it worked for us.

So I second your idea of finding another phrase or question to use in the meantime. :)

level 2

That's very sweet. I agonize over other 4-letter words like "Like" and "Miss".

level 2

That's really adorable! I wish I had thought of this earlier. Thank you for responding!! I truly appreciate it!

level 1

This happened in my relationship :) it took about 2 months before he said it back. I didn't bring it up again until then because i didn't want to pressure him. He knew how i felt and we just carried on enjoying each other until he was comfortable saying it back.

We're married now with a kid on the way :)

I understand how you feel though - try not to focus too much on it. It's really nice that he was honest with you and didn't just say it anyway.

Good luck!

level 2

How did you manage those 2 months? I was just like... going nuts not being able to say it. I dunno! Thank you for responding -- it means a lot :)!

level 2

Oh my gosh I am you! Same exact story. I felt down at the time, but I'm really glad he waited until he actually meant it. Makes it that much better.

level 1

People dont fall in love at the same speed. If you genuinely love him, then you did great by telling him. However, it isn't a definite that he has fallen in love at the same pace you did. Give him time. You would rather him tell you he loves you out of sincerity and genuineness versus him saying it back because you said it.

level 2

You are right. I guess I'm just super impatient and never really have felt "rejection" in this way. Thank you for responding, I appreciate it!

level 1

Totally not the end of the world. I said it first to my SO 5 years ago, and he wasn't ready to say it yet. We're getting married in September.

level 1

The same thing happened to me. I had never been the first to say it before in any relationship, but this time it just felt right. This relationship felt better than the rest. I was trying to be mature and upfront and embrace the love. I told him and he said that 'maybe we were moving to fast because I was clearly developing some strong feelings that he didn't have'. Even though I said it because I wanted to tell him not because I was expecting anything in return, it really hurt to hear that he didn't feel the same way. Suddenly everything felt much different. I didn't think we'd stay together after that. I felt like we weren't on the same page. We did end up staying together, although I didn't say I love you again.
Then one night several months later we were camping and out of the blue he looked at me and told me he was in love with me. We're still together. I'm glad he waited until he felt like he could be honest when he said it.
I've since come to understand how much scar tissue he has from a 3 year relationship that he had previously where he really got his heart broken. I've had my heart broken before too, but I guess I deal with it differently than he does. His way of coping with heartbreak is to be extremely cautious so he doesn't get his heart broken again so easily. I try to be more understanding and aware of that now.
Maybe your SO just needs more time. Either way, I feel your pain. I hope everything works out for you!

level 2

Aw. Thank you for this story -- I feel right now, as if we won't stay together. But that's because of my own problems in dealing with this. I'm glad to hear that you guys did. Thank you again!

level 2

I had a very similar experience with my now-husband. He had a terrible experience with his ex-wife after they rushed into marriage after only a few months of dating, so with me he took it very slow but explained his reasoning and told me he wanted to be 100% sure before telling me that he loved me. It made me appreciate it so much more when it did finally happen, although it was a little rough waiting for it!

level 1

It's good that you weren't afraid to put your feelings out there. Some people take longer to get to that place than others, and there is nothing wrong with that. He obviously cares about you, or he could have just lied and said he loves you too. That's what a lot of people do.

There's nothing wrong with feeling a little down about it, but make sure you don't pressure him. That will probably only make him want to run in the other direction.

level 2

You're right. And if I truly do love him, I should put his feelings first. It's just hard when I made myself very vulnerable and got hurt, you know? Thank you for responding, I really appreciate it!

level 1

Story time! I told my boyfriend I loved him a good 6 months before he said it back. He's less in touch with his feelings and more cautious than I am. It sucked. But I knew how I felt and continued telling him. Fast forward 5ish years and dude constantly tells me how much he loves me.

Moral: everyone is different, and you can't force someone to be where you are when you are. Hopefully you get there together eventually, and if you don't, it will hurt, but it will be OK.

Said I Love You but Didnt Say It Back Reddit

Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/comments/5b9br2/told_my_bf_i_love_him_he_didnt_say_it_back/

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